TL;DR: I get more pleasure from doing nothing than doing the things I do, which is why I get more pleasure from inevitably having to starve and borrow money than doing more of the less pleasurable stuff to avoid the pain of having to starve and borrow money. PS: Could exist actions bringing more pleasure than doing nothing, thus resulting in wealth, and less pain of starvation and indebting myself.

I’m thinking about this topic right now, because I think I sometimes spend so much time thinking about how I’m feeling about how I’m living my life, that it doesn’t leave time to actually live the way I sorta know makes me happy, e.g., eat regular meals, hydrate, sleep, keep community, challenge yourself, save yourself money so you don’t have to work at any particular time – freedom, but then again this behaviour might just be a result of my having a lot of freetime, which is easily spent by thinking about how I feel.

I mean, I’m not consistently happy, though I know my low moods are often responses to alcohol consumption, and not dire need per se. I suppose I sometimes feel like I should spend my life doing something for others too, and that I’m wasting my life by not, but perhaps that’s not mine but my culture’s value. I’m also worried sometimes because I’ve run out of money and have to starve myself until I eventually borrow money from friends and family until I get paid again, which puts me in a low mood too (thinking about it, I guess my accepting this comes down to my valuing my freetime and freedom – or rather find more pleasure in doing nothing – more than doing work; and perhaps that’s okay as long as it’s knowingly?